Occult Operators [RESULTS]

Shoddy: 38

Nomad: 33

Red: 34



Shoddy: The graphics on the sheet were amazing, The spirit of new york power is really unique. I couldn’t really find any problem with the sheet, so yeah I really like this character. I thought it was really awesome.

Nomad: Wow. What can I say about Ethan? I certainly wasn't expecting the embodiment of New York City to make an appearance. It's one hell of a concept. The green text was a bit hard to read on the background, but it was so damn pretty I didn't even care.

Red: Though I have seen characters that embody cities before, this one goes the extra mile in flushing itself out with interesting powers, a punkish/anti-authoritarian perspective, and an obvious enthusiasm for the story being told. Overall it's a fresh look at a rare concept.

I love this character concept. It has tons of story potential and would work well with plenty of other odd concepts on the site. I can already see the character playing a novel role in a Nicolas Flamel or Warden story.

Execution is great. Everything is filled out and there is no sparseness of information in any of the important sections. However, your code is a little screwy in that it has placed your profile pic beneath the app and extended the background beyond the app's content noticeably. Some parts of the app are also hard to read due to background colors.

Graphics are custom and don't rely on the current template, but I don't find them pleasing to look at.

Didn't find anything about your grammar to critique that wouldn't be subjective or nitpicky.




Ghost Slot*
200 flat XP

Shoddy: 34

Nomad: 32

Red: 33




 Shoddy: I like the idea of a sentient book, I thought the powers were cool, but I have seen characters similar to this in other media. You did a good job making it different from that though. The grammar was well done with few mistakes, and the powers were detailed. I thought the story was cool, I liked that spellbound was made just to trap an evil force.

Nomad: An absolutely wonderful character! A bit of grammar problems, mainly with run sentences, impacted that score, but everything else was damn near perfect. I love love love the names of the spells, feels like a real proper spellbook that way. And I adore how it tries to pick up chicks even though it's, y'know, a book. Absolutely hilarious.

Red: This character is chalk full of creative ideas and development. You really went into detail and flushed a lot of things out. What could have been bland and straightforward you made robust and interesting. That said, sentient spellbooks are pretty common, especially in fantasy settings like DnD. This is not to say you didn't make the idea your own in a massive way, but it's not something I have never seen like some of your other ideas.

I am reluctant to give 10s because I see it as a hypothetical ideal, but you aren't giving me much choice. I want to write with this character. it's gimmicky, it's odd, and it has the potential for some really wacky and cool stories. One of your better concepts.

Execution is very good. Everything is filled out well and organized fairly consistently. My only complaints are a mere two paragraph personality, which I find to be a real shame for a character who relies heavily on character over physical form, and a slightly difficult to read text due to the background (which is nice btw).

Graphics are custom but still rely on the framework of the template.

Grammar is good with a couple mistakes.






Ghost Slot*
150 flat XP

Shoddy: 32

Nomad: 33

Red: 23




Shoddy:  I really liked this character, I think the concept of casting magic through objects was really unique. The only thing that really held it back was the grammar. Otherwise it was a great sheet!

Nomad: Damn, I love this character. Hell of a twist on a traditional spellcaster, and I love him using modern day appliances for the witchy goodness. No graphics and a bit of grammar issues impacted your score, but otherwise, good job. I can't wait to see what you do with this guy, assuming you keep him.

Red: A fairly standard mage/wizard with dead parents. Props for interesting magical items though.

The concept is flexible, but only because it is so average. I wish there was more substance but he's just a modern teenage mage.

Execution is pretty decent, but slightly inconsistent in places (list items are not all formatted the same). Paragraphs are nice and evenly spaced. Wish there was more in the personality section.

Graphics are the template. As is customary you get 1 point for that.

Grammar is good with a couple mistakes



Ghost Slot*
100 flat XP

Shoddy: 32

Nomad: 33

Red: 24




Shoddy: I like the concept of archery with charm spells, I think it's really unique. I think that the spells needed to be described as well. I thought the story was well done, and the grammar was really good. I didn't see many mistakes.

Nomad: Quite the atypical spellcaster, I like it! More of a forest scout than anything. Quite an enjoyable read too. Not much else to say here.

Red: Honestly pretty creative. I wouldn't have thought yesterday someone would make a literal magic girl scout as a character. That said, it lacks development, and really doesn't go beyond her being a rebellious girl scout who happened upon some people in the woods to give her magic powers. If you flush this out it could be great, though.

The base concept is pretty interesting and has the potential for some cool stories and interactions. I just wish there was more to it than a pretty barebones idea.

Execution is aright. Organization of powers/weakness/items is consistent. Your history, however, is one long info dump paragraph that doesn't give me much in depth info on the character, and the personality is sparse.

Graphics are the template. As is customary you get 1 point for that.

Grammar wise you have a decent amount of mistakes, mostly in the way you string sentences. However, nothing interferes too badly with understanding



50 flat XP

Shoddy: 34

Nomad: 27

Red: 22




Shoddy: This character reminded me of a well written SCP. Which for me is a good thing. Even though it didn't have many powers, It honestly didn’t need it. I am a huge fan of unknowable horrors, so that's why I gave it a higher score.

Nomad: An absolutely fantastic concept and character. I love the eldritch horror aspect of it. Very well-written and evokes quite a lot of imagery. I'm quite interested to see what you do with this character. I can see it being quite the talking point for several organizations in universe

Red: This one just didn't work for me. Creativity wise it's similar to other goo-creatures/aliens, and it leaves a lot of blanks. Everything seems to be "unknown" about this character. That's fine, but usually even mysterious characters have a decent amount of information about them on the app itself. It's not like you can't have a mysterious character IC that is well explained OOC. It's not totally void of creative ideas, but it's pretty standard.

The concept itself has interesting story potential. Despite the statements above I think practically speaking it could be fun to write with, abundance of creativity or not.

Execution was poor. Sometimes blanks were left, other times they are marked with an N/A, and then in the case of bloodtype it switches to "nonexistent." All of these do the same thing: Give me no information. The bio section is pointless. I would have liked to have more information. If a field is redundant or irrelevant, delete it, or at least mark them as such in a uniform way. Organization needs work all around. Despite the template giving you a framework the app still seems sparse and all over the place.

Graphics are the template. As is customary you get 1 point for that.

Grammar was very good despite the organizational issues with the app. Any issues I noticed are personal taste differences.



50 flat XP

Shoddy: 34

Nomad: 24

Red: 24




Shoddy: I liked the whole pyromancer/dragon theme in this sheet. I didn't really have many problems with it. The grammar was a bit messed up in a few places, but I didn't think it was too bad. I liked the powers, I thought they had plenty of detail, and that they fit the character really well.

Nomad: A dragon-like human with fire magic! I like it, even if it isn't the most original concept. You earned more points for the backstory and putting effort into detailing what he can do, but overall a pretty mid-tier character.

Red: He's a fire mage. There is literally a sorcerer subclass in DnD for this. Unfortunately not very creative.

Concept is.....meh. It's a blank slate so you can do a lot with it, but it is almost aggressively mediocre

Execution is excellent. The way you organized this app was so easy on the eyes I wanted to overlook many of the other issues with it, namely it's lack of robust conceptualization. Only issue is that your history paragraphs are too blocky for my taste (too long and far apart), and the personality is sparse.

Graphics are the template. As is customary you get 1 point for that.

Grammar is good with a couple mistakes



50 flat XP

Shoddy: 23

Nomad: 29

Red: 28




Shoddy: I really like the idea of two characters having to work together for the powers to work. But I feel like the powers weren't expanded upon enough, so it kinda fell flat in that regard. Otherwise, I really liked the character.

Nomad:  I love the idea! Custom art gets you a '2' in Graphics. Quite a bit of Grammar issues impacted your score there. I do love the spirit and ghost aspect played into here, and the dual characters are quite a creative way to do things. Great job.

Red: Interesting ideas here, and out of the box. There are plenty of characters that can commune with the dead, but rarely do they form the tag team relationship with a ghost as illustrated in this app. It's pretty unique and cool.

The concept looks like a heck of a lot of fun, especially paired with some of the other magic users on the site. I can imagine the dynamics between the two and between them and the outside world will be a blast when actually written out in a thread.

Execution is solid. Some organizational inconsistency in list items, but the app is well populated with text in all sections and it's nice and easy to look at.

Graphics are the template. As is customary you get 1 point for that.

Grammar is ok with a fair number of mistakes




50 flat XP

Shoddy: 26

Nomad: 18

Red: 19





Shoddy:  I thought the powers were well written, I liked the soul magic concept. The grammar was good, there were a few problems but nothing huge. But yeah, I thought it was a really cool unique character.

Nomad: Just your basic, average spellcaster. Not that that that's a bad thing, per se, but I would like to see ... more. More spells, more description, more effort. Quite a lot of grammatical issues impacted your score here, as it caused the entire flow of the character to suffer. You also didn't spend nearly enough time explaining the origins of your powers. I was left a bit confused.

Red: I like the fact there are some hints at a larger world that your character comes from, but ultimately I don't find it creatively robust. The history and personality are basic and don't go into nearly enough detail, and the history in particular reads more like a bad info dump than anything.

The concept is not the worst, but it just seems like she is a sorcerer princess from a fantasy world. Not that hard to understand, not that thought provoking, and not something I am instantly intrigued to write with.

Everything is filled out, but I find your organization inconsistent and odd. Sometimes you bold list items, sometimes you italicize, sometimes you don't do either. It's janky and haphazard.

Graphics are the template. As is customary you get 1 point for that.

Lots of spelling and grammar errors, but nothing that interferes with understanding too much.




50 flat XP

Shoddy: 22

Nomad: 22

Red: 25




Shoddy: I thought the story and the powers were kinda cool, but the whole magical girl thing is a bit basic.

Nomad: Had to give this one a bit of a lower score because, dude, it's a magical girl. Even on this site, it's been done time and again. However, she's adorable, and I love her. A few grammar mistakes, mostly sentence structure though there were a couple of spelling mistakes, lowered your score on that. I absolutely love the spirit angle, that would be quite interesting to see played out. Overall, a very solid mid-range character.

Red: Creativity wise there are a lot of ideas you're working with here. It seems you genuinely tried to flush out this character's life and add in a lot of concepts. She seems like she is pulled out of a larger story or universe, things you would have had to at least partially develop to make this character as you did.

The concept is pretty standard magical girl stuff. That's fine and you do make it you're own, but the concept doesn't really strike me as anything crazy out of the box.

Execution was sufficient. The app is fully filled out and there is a decent quantity of words for both history and personality. I would have liked something a bit more in depth instead of an overview for her history, given the fact I find the ideas presented interesting, but it's fine the way it is.

Graphics are the template. As is customary you get 1 point for that.

A couple spelling and grammar errors, but overall it reads well.




50 flat XP

*A ghost slot is a character slot that you gain temporarily to allow one more character to your roster. Once you choose to retire a character, you lose that slot. You do not gain a permanent character slot.

A note from Red on criticism: It is not my intention with any of these entirely subjective ratings to hurt anyone's feelings. I don't pull my punches with criticism, as you may have noticed, but that is because I don't believe in blunting my language for the sake of niceties. The point of criticism is improvement. If judges aren't 100% honest there is no point in these contests, and we should discontinue them because all they will be is a bunch of people telling everyone how great they are. I apologize if you find my comments harsh, but just know I only want everyone to improve and make their ideas/writing better. I would expect the same treatment from all of you. Thanks, and I love you all!