Nightmare at the Big Top Results

https://www.superhero-rpg.com/t12366-shatter

Chelle: 32

Toshi: 33

Floyd: 30




Chelle: Even though your power descriptions are a bit wordy, and you make the powers a lil over embellished, this application is well written. It shows me who this character is, and it fits into the theme quite well. I imagine she would be the living doll attraction.

Jackson: I personally LOVE this one so very very much. Character breaks the mold from the rest being a vigilante type instead of a villain and follows suit with increadible concepts and amazing execution. Sadly, I had to deduct some points due to a similar reason asVorik's, the circus theme feels jammed in.

Floyd: Very well written and executed the only thing i would like to note is that it being a wonderful and magnificent character try to simplify your abilities and condense what you want into a 2-3 sentences. I dont want to take away anything from this character at all, maybe just not going so into depth leave it at a few seconds and this happens or could potentially do this, (then can leave a spoiler for futher time or leave that for the RP planning) Other than that this is a wonderful char! Thank you for the read!





Ghost Slot*
200 flat XP

https://www.superhero-rpg.com/t12369-sinew



Chelle: 30

Toshi: 28

Floyd: 35




Chelle: Overall a very detailed description for this character's looks, and a whole developed backstory that lead me to feel empathetic for this guy. I wish you had delved a bit more into how he would be in a circus or a freak show of some kind - or even went into a smidge about him being in a troupe a long time ago. Either way, very well done. Bravo.

Toshi: I do really like the strangeness to this guys history. But his involvement with a circus felt sorta mashed in and didn't fit really well.  His concept in terms of being an acrobat are very unique though.

Floyd: Very thoughtout and well executed the only critique i would have for you is maybe extend his powers give him a couple other quirks, (obviously this is your character and its your final decision but being a judge i have to add my two cents and hopefully thats cool! xD) maybe add a ecoskeleton like sheding his outerskin or leaving behind a split part of him to gather more ground/information. Being able to  squeeze through a tight space but needs rest after a few uses. Just something to define your character and make him truely unique. Other than that this is a wonderful char! Thank you for the read!



Ghost Slot*
150 flat XP

https://www.superhero-rpg.com/t12365-the-shadowmaster
 


Chelle: 30

Toshi: 28

Floyd: 15




Chelle: This character is balanced, intriguing, and definitely imaginative. I love the ties to a nursery rhyme, and how the character could be viewed as just a kid's scary rhyme to make bad little boys and girls behave. Quite the concept. However, I feel as if you rushed this. Your manageable approach to the character's concept was not as well executed as one would hope. You go into his backstory of mutilating animals for his freak show, and you also mention that he turns into a childlike form. I feel as if you could have included more of his trauma into his backstory - embellishing on how he became who he is today. You put the steps into why he ran a Cirque du Freak, but never what twisted his mind. Still, a very pleasant application!

Toshi: This would have been a beautiful concept man, but it just isn't grabbing my attention when it comes to application and powers of this character. He is a very interesting face with a boring base powerset reminescient of the generic demon lord. But hey, congrats on also being the only person to utilize a custom sheet.

Floyd: I also feel like you took a super easy rushed route to make this, Not much for his descrption or personality. I think you wanted to go for a multiple personality but with the master always having everything under control and always incorporates just anything into his plan just feels like a cheap way out. I hope i do not offend you by this because i love the way it wants to go. It just needs more work and dedication to for the true ring master. I need more backstory and depth! Why did he go crazy? What pushed him over the edge to want to paid blood around 23 childrens mouths?? I do love circus' and crazy ring shadow ring leaders. Other than that this is a wonderful char! Thank you for the read!




Ghost Slot*
100 flat XP

https://www.superhero-rpg.com/t12368-the-beast-master



Chelle: 24

Toshi: 16

Floyd: 21




Chelle: Not a bad concept, but it definitely feels rushed. Your history feels lacking, and barely touches on his build up, how he became who he is today, or anything related to that. So, again, not a terrible concept, but not very well executed. I would hope to have seen more information about how he became the man he is today, not some rushed jumbled story about the mysterious aspects of this character.

Toshi: I feel confused after reading this, not sure who the character was and feel like the concept was rather hand in hand, an animal tamer who manipulates animals. The urban legend style of explaining things is hard to pull off and I am not sure it works with this one. Additionally, more understanding on the apperance and personality, which I don't see much of here.

Floyd: Great concept, lacks depth and creativity. All we know is his origins are unknown, he talks to and train animals, bodies pop up with rope burns and animal scratches that could possibly have been done by him.  Has the potential to be a great character if add more to his story. What happened to the Legend? Why did he become a Legend? Why do the bodies pop up with rope burns and animal scratches? Did someone do something to the Legend for him to want to train and learn about animals? Other than that this is a wonderful char! Thank you for the read!
 


50 flat XP

https://www.superhero-rpg.com/t12370-the-all-seein-keen-eye-gene



Chelle: 18

Toshi: 26

Floyd: 13




Chelle: The introduction of this application leaves me to believe the history is going to delve into exactly how this character was created. Instead, I get a description detailing nothing past a cheap advertisement. The concept, while not terrible, is definitely not executed well at all. The mention of this doll-like-fortune-teller-thing being a "monster" in the BIO section of the application actually made me curious (and a little excited) to read it... but sadly there's no mention of a monster, of Ozcurriat, of anything in the history. The only mention of the monster is in the power section, under one little bit. I would like to have known the origin of this monster, what created it, and why it does what it does.

Toshi: I feel like there could have been way more for this guy, super cool concept, not great execution.

Floyd:  I feel like you took a super easy rushed route to make this, its really cool that its a bug inside of pupet demon that can be mass constructed and make people fear it. It just needs more to the story. All we know is that it was made from a cooperation from the genius boys at Orion Civil Tech. Was it formed on fear? How did it become mass constructed? What do they plan on doing once everyone has one? What does the worm do with the puppet - how do they work together? Other than that this is a wonderful char! Thank you for the read!

 


50 flat XP

*A ghost slot is a character slot that you gain temporarily to allow one more character to your roster. Once you choose to retire a character, you lose that slot. You do not gain a permanent character slot.