Horo Fir

First: You'll need a little more in your personality and history. The personality is too short, and the history is very confusing.

Second: You need to describe Oblivion beyond the name of the power, as that doesn't give too much information. What does it do, and how is it used?

As for the magic, what sort of spells does he know? Writing magic doesn't quite cut it either as far as powers go.

Thirdly: The weaknesses are not adequate. Getting stabbed in the heart isn't exactly a potent weakness, and women aren't as well. Are they unable to harm women, or what? You'll need to expand on the second, and if the powers prove too powerful you'll need more weaknesses as well.

Last: For the sword of shard, it will need a weakness as well, and a description of what it does.

Enact these changes and I will look over the app again.

Fin, my lord

Ok so I'm the one taking over form here I guess. So let's begin.

First, Oblivion is portal powers. Portal powers are heavily restricted for good reasons. Please explain EXACTLY everything this person can do with portals and we will re-evaluate it from there.

Second...

Horo Fir wrote: so he can't fire direct but, he can control the space in between them.

That may be me misreading it, but after three times of looking at it all I see is special manipulation...which is a banned power. If I'm wrong just let me know and we'll talk about it.

Third of all under your magic list you stated

Horo Fir wrote:Spell list:
Heal
Alter- Turn object from one thing to another, must the physics laws of that dimension
Oblivion time shift- pause time for 25 seconds, can only use at near death situation.
Decay- Kill objects by pushing the object though oblivion without protection
Enchant- Writing the rules for an area.
Shout- Skyrim shouts

There's a lot that needs tweaked or elaborated on. First Time shift is a no go. At all. Time manipulation is a banned power.

Decay is a 1 hit K.O and you could easily define a person as an object. It needs to specify that it doesn't mean PC's and it needs permission for other players items.

Enchant says "writing the rules for an area". That power is very, very vague. Please elaborate, because at the moment it looks like "reality manipulation". Which is also, obviously banned.

Shout says "Skyrim Shouts". This is a cool power, I got someone with it. You need to list EVERYTHING this person can preform with these shouts. Because fo the nature of shouts each shout is in fact a power and needs it own weakness (unless you do what I recommend and make shouting a secondary spell list)


Moving onto weaknesses, the weaknesses are unfair to say the least, you also do not have enough weaknesses to cover what powers you have. Each spell list requires at least 2 weaknesses, and all regular powers require their own weakness.

Your weaknesses are tailored to these 9 gems and this weapon that absolutely no one could know about without the blatant God-Mod and since the character has such an array of powers they need to have substantial weaknesses that gives other people a fighting chance. This isn't DC comics and not all of our villains have your kryptonite (one of these 9 gems) like we can get it form a convenience store.

All and all I can tell you I LOVE the concept of this character and he's a cool concept, but in order for him to exist here in SHRPG he needs a little more balance. I'd love to work with you to make this character viable in our system and if you have any questions or want any ideas I'm available at almost anytime.

(Zell, Silus, Yamm, Cale the human, A Corgi and The Seraph)

Fixed, please bare in mind that I can't add anymore weakness, 12 weakness is just a littlte unfair. I beg not make Horo a wussy which everything kills him