Two Giants, One Bar. Sounds sexual. (Gwharr only--PM for invite)

Divorce was hard enough for any woman, but for Essmerelda, well . . . She hadn't exactly even HAD a divorce. Essa didn't eat sweets or chocolate, so she settled her depressing with drugs, violence, more drugs, beer, and was it mentioned already? Oh, right, Drugs. Without any makeup, spray tan, not giving a shit, and tons of smoking, Essa nothing short of awful and rather terrifying and currently she was getting free beer and drinks--probably because the bartender thought she was hot or because he was terrified--more or less the latter. But hey, this woman was the best thing since smoke able crack in her rather biased, harsh mind.

"'Ey!! Mis'er bar . . . dude? HAH yurr GAY!! WEEOOOHWEEEOO MAH GAYDARS GOIN' OFF!!!" She let loose a howl of laughter and easily downed another shot and took no mind of everyone staring at her--or the flushed young bartender hiding his face. Snickering, she turned to the two women next to her who were giggling over something along the lines of guys and sexual shit. "Oh, I KNOW RIGH'!?" She laughed randomly, causing the two women to raise their eye brows. "Um...what...?" One asked the massively tipsy giant of a woman. "Ima tell ya a secret!!! Cmere close t' meh!!" And surprise surprise, the two ladies didn't budge. "I lost my virginity in a dumpster!!" Slapping a knee, Essa watched as the two women left. Shrugging, she grabbed another bottle of beer and began singing,

"Every paaaarrtyyy needs a poooper--That's why AH INVITED YAH!! "EY BITCHES I WANNA START A FIGHT!!!" 

It was obvious--Essmerelda was coping extrodinarily with being single. It wasn't her that was suffering depression, rather, all of poor New York had to deal with her.



(Sorry for shortness -I'm on an iPod. ><))

Suddenly the light comming from the elecrical lights outsde was blotted out as if by some strange eclipse, and a very voliminous shape tried its best to squeeze through the doorway whilst grnting in an annoyed fashion. It could barely be described as a 'human' and only in the senst that it was wearing clothes and had two arms, two legs and a head. But there the similarities ended. Its arms, wich where exposed where ridiculously oversized and covered with coarse har so thick i could almost be described as fur. Even whilst standing stretched at full height, they reached almost all the way to the floor, and they where both packed with so much muscle that each of them was far more massive than any man in the bar. It had hands like trash-can-lids, the back of wich was covered with the same coarse fur-like hair as the arms. Its torso was far larger than that of a proportional human would have been, presumably to accomodate the musculature necessary to move those ridicuolusly oversized arms about. The lower abdomen was far smaller, and its legs, although massive where quite short.

Its face was a dull yellowish colour with small, blue eyes and a big mouth with a jutting jaw. A fluffy shot of wild, thick red hair grew from its head and a big, fluffy beard covered its jawline, the two patches of hair comming together to give the illusion of a red lions-mane It was dressed mainly in a sleeveless overcoat that was shabby and patched up with what looked like animal-pelts here and there. Other than that it wore a pair of suprsisingly nice pants nd a jeans-shirt, but no shoes.

In essence it looked like like a sort of ape-like troll from some ancient mythological wossname, although it seemed that few people had the guts to move up and ask it.


Gwharr was in a fairly foul mood. One of his little hunting-trips had gone awry, and he once again attracted unwanted attention from a man with a gun, and so he had to go hungry. However, he had come from understand from TV that these sorts ofplaces usually served beverages and food for some reason, so he had decided to try one of them. He knuckle,walked into the bar, and even though he had his fists to the ground he still stood taller than all the other patrons. . . Well, all except one it seemed. The Tough-looking Troublesome Troll-like Thug gazed aound the place and ambled over to the bar, people moving out of his way, partly because of his size and partly because he looked as though he was more like a little pissed off.

With an almost careless sweep of his hand, he brushed a young asian woman from a bar-stool with such force that she collapsed into a small heap, giggling to himself in the incomprehensible manner of a true, professional drunk. Gwharr placed a melon-sized fist on the bar with such for that it cracked slightly, despite his seeming lack of effort, and the bar-man whimpered slightly.

He did not want to keep the monstrous newcommer waiting, but he was afraid of what would happen if he left the nasty-looking threehundred-pound monster-woman to her own devices, but it seemed as if he hd no choice.

"To be hungry!" Gwharr growled menacingly, glaring at the poor barkeep.

"Err, Jonah, go grab some nachos for the big guy, would ya? There's a beer in it for ya" the barkeep said nervously to one of his less drunk patrons that was milling about in a corner, doing his best to woo a rather plump, blonde girl.
"But I'm thedesignated driver" he whined in a voice so whiny that it would start up his acting-career in a few years, but for now, he was just a whiny, little barfly. The barman gave him a stern glance, and Jonah caved, abandoned the poor woman and quickly grabbed a plate of nachos, obviously prepared for another customer and nervously placed it in front of Gwharr.

The caveman had never seen such food before, but it smelled quite apetizing, with the cheesy cheese and the crunchy crunchies. He carefully gravved one of the cheese-covered delicacies and hesitantly put it in his mouth. . . Then another, and then another, and soon he was shoveling them into his gullet by the handfull. He really liked this food, and he would probably come by here often from now on!

The albino Amazonian, even in her drunken state could obviously see and know well that the beast like thing that had trudged in like a massive behemoth on steroids was completely out of the ordinary. But as of now, she grinned a bit, leaned back, and kept a rather stupid, "OMG-You're-fucken-awesome-in-my-book" smirk in her pale face. But as the beast grumbled and spoke in a strange growling sound, the words slurred and rang around Essas ears strangely and she ended up laughing to herself over no particular topic other than the simply fact that the Caveman looked petable as hell.

But, not even muttering one word to him, the silver vixen blinked her rather dilated blue eyes, leaned forward to watch him eat curiously, and the reached forward as she but down on her lip. Her manner was that of a child trying to be sneaky and steal from their parents but failing in all proportions possible. With two delicate fingers--pointer and thumb--she gripped one of the nacho chips and smirked widely at the caveman as she loudly chewed and then sucked the cheesy sauce remnants off of her fingers slowly and tastefully.

"'Ey, Fluffy, ever heard of sharing!?" She laughed, slinging one rather large arm--for a woman--hell, even a man---- over the behemoths shoulders, she nudged him with an elbow. "You know what Fluffy? I like you, man. I just like fucken pet you, get a drink with you, and steal your food cause like that's th' shit best friends do. Ya dig it, Fluffy?" Glancing over the caveman, she cocked ne eyebrow and then sagged. "Hm . . . . Damn, Fluffy don't suit ya . . . You're like the fucken Jesus of New York or some shit cause like y'ur all huge and shit and like hairy like them Jews and shit. That's it. I'm callin' you Homie Jesus, man."

The Big ,Brash, Brainless Brute really liked the taste of these nacho-thing and the greasy, cheeselike melted yellow stuff they where drenched in. He literally shoveled them into his mighty maw, barely stopping to chew, whilst the poor whiny youngster behind the counter quickly got the picture, and started to fix up several more platter wich ended up on the counter. Both him and the barkeeper had heard stories of a creature like this hurling trucks and it was rumored that this thing was the one that had smashed up Central park a few weeks ago. As Gwharr attacked the second platter, strings of cheese forming between his lips and small crumbs and globs of cheese stuck in his mighty red beard. Some of the patrons where apprantly appaled by his noisy lack of table.manners but the size of his pointy, sharp teeth made them halt their protests.

However, he could not help but to burp in confusion as a very mischevious, particurlarly large woman (if she could be called that) slowly and very demonstratively literally pinched a Nacho from his plate. Normally, he would have demoted whomever did such a thing to the status of 'lunch' immediately, but the way she did it in was so peculiar that Gwharr simply forgot to do such a thing. Despite her massive size she did it in a manner similar to someone who was being 'jokingly mock-sneaky'. He raised enough little cave-brats to recognize this behaviour, but in his twentytwo thousand millenia on earth he had never met a stranger who had done something like this against him before first winning his friendship somehow.

The brow of the oversized gorrilla-looking neanderthal rose slightly, and he scratched his hairy nogging as he tried to deduce who this person was. Had he met her before? Was he an old relative or something, or just a random crazy person with a deathwish. However, all these thoughts dissapeared as he realized that by scratching his hair he had managed to get a rather impressive amount of orangey-yellowish goop into it! With a frustrated whimper he moved both of his massive hands to try to wipe it off before it had time to dry out, thus inadvertedly smearing more of it into his hair.

With a roar, Gwharr hurled the now-almost empty nacho-platter into a nearby wall, causing a rather interesting shape to appear on the wall, consisting of pulverized nachos and cheese, that could have been worth a thousand dollars if shown to somebody at a post-modern art gallery. However, now it was just a stain.

However, whilst he had been distracted with dealing with the rebellious platter of nachos, the nefarious white-skinned giant-woman had taken the oppurtunity to sling a heavily muscled arms around his shoulder in a rather "chummy way" talking intoxicated nonsense into his ear and calling him a "homo-jesus" or something like that, presumably because of his progidous amount of body-hair. The Thickheaded, Thuggish Throwback grunted confusedly in response to that remarked, as he had never really been called something like that. "Who is you!? To wonder what it wants?" He asked the clingy albino, his inhumanly deep, bestial voice, uncharacteristically devoid of threats and roars as he started to gobble up the next platter of nachos that had been placed in front of him on the counter. However, he made no movement to remove the woman from him. In some weird way he had to admit he found her obfuscating stupidity and fondness in him rather endearing. Plus the way her eyes blinked totally out of sync with eachother was rather amusing as well.

This massive behemoth of a man--Or more appropriate, cavemane--impressed Essa with or without alcaho. But with alcahol, he was now her best friend in her tipsy, rather tiny mindset. "Whoah, calm yo tits, Jezuz!!!"" She laughed, leaning back in her chair as he pulverized the next plate of nachos. In a manner that was such as a 'I'm-trying-way-too-hard-to-be-cool' manner, the albino crossed both arms clumsily over her chest, glanced down, confused (as she wasn't sure which arm was crossing which), and then frowned. "D'ah, fuckity."

And with that, the Amazonian was reduced from her high throne next to Jesus to on the floor with no means or want to really get up. Groaning distastefully, she rolled over onto her belly and began spreading out her long, seemingly endless limbs, and began to slowly move them up and down out of sync with eachother. "LOL A FLOOR ANGLE. Or . . . .angel . . . "

When she was drunk, Essa's extremely thick Brooklyn accent tended to wear away to that of an almost. . . Texan accent and she enjoyed using abbreviations such as, "LOL', 'OMG!', etc . . . " Whining pitiflly as no one helped her up, nor did she want to help HERSELF up, Essmerelda finally picked her head up from off the floor and complained in a tone that could compare to an accusing childs. "THIS FLOOR TASTES LIKE BUTTHOLE!!"

After about 3 minutes of her shouting complaints about the assortments of tastes the floor seemed to have, Essa was sat back up at the bar again and she was drinking and chugging down alcahol like a sailor on a booty loot.

"'Eya, Homie Jezuz, you'ca like heal mah sins and shit, cause lie' you was lie' dead fer me? Huh . . . ? Was you lie' gay fer John th' Bartender or some shit? Cause . . . Like, brosif, a holy orgy woulda been hawt." Lightly punching te Caveman on one massive, hairy arm, she snickered and gazed at him with a stupid dialated, childish grin.

The Crude, Confused Caveperson, snorted as the strange woman asked him to 'calm his tits' whatever that was supposed to mean. As far as he was aware he had no tits to calm and if he did he did not expect them to be the rambunctious sort of mammaries at any rate. He might be a caveman, but even the cavemen had been able to create alcoholic substances to temporarily rob them of what would normally pass for their 'higher brain-functions', but he himself had never really experienced that sort of thing, since his superness apparantly prevented him from being drunk for very long. Nevertheless, he knew OFF the 'drunk' mindset in a theoretical manner, and this woman was so drunk that if you looked up 'drunk' in the dictionary, there aught to be a picture of her next to the word.

Then after som fiddling the gigantic woman fell onto the floor where she started to crawl around, flailing her massively muscular limbs around, whilst commenting on the taste of the floor. In a way it was sort of pathetic, but mostly it was just funny. He could not deny that it was adorable on some level also. Even though she confused the living hell out of him, he decided to approve of her existance in the same place as himself.

Gwharr continued to devour nachos messily whilst keeping half an eye on the woman, untill she managed to claw herself back up onto the barstool where she once again began to speak at him, slurring the words into some sort of sentence-soup that made no sense whatsoever. However He seemed to be able to pick out the word 'orgy'. Even a neanderthal knew what that word meant

He nodded vigorously at her question, not wanting to appear more stupid than he actually was, before leaning over the bar, one of his oversized, six and three quarters feet long arms reaching to the bottles that stood lined up against the wall, grabbing a whiskey-bottle. "Look! Magic trick!" he said as he shoved the rather small bottle into his mouth started chewing, whiskey pouring from his mouth into his beard. He then proceeded to swallow the crushed glass, being well aware of the fact that his super-durability wouldn't let something as trivial as glass hurt his precious insidey-bits.