The SHRPG RPG

"Come on, man! Give it to me for a little less!" a troll begged Nightkill.

Nightkill privately considered nuking the troll to Kingdom Come. Instead, he said- "Nope, you have to give me at least 300 dollars for this case." he said, holding up a bottle filled with spam.

The troll was way too addicted to the spam to argue longer. He handed Kill over the money, took the bottle, and ran.

Kill chuckled. "Trolls." he said. He despised them quite a bit, but they were some of his highest customers. Plus they were too stupid to realize they could rat him out to the admins, and get tons of money.

He walked down the road. He was in a destroyed section of the city, which had been used originally for law enforcement. After that fell (He had been there, blasting it to hell.), the city fell into even more chaos. The admins and mods had pretty much given up on it, something which Kill was using to his adventage. By all rights, he shouldn't be here.

Night didn't know why he was immune to the Hammers, he just was. Sometime he would get someone to look at that. He toyed with the pistol in his pocket. Despite his immense strength, he was considerably less durable than others of SHRPG.

He pulled out some of his spam, took a bit, and popped it in his mouth. He grinned, feeling much happier now. He was happy anyway, the admins thought he was gone. They should know he was always a constant force here.

He looked up at a sign, saying 'Quests!" It had been an ambitious idea by the admins to boost the City's economy, but it had failed miserably, and had been abandoned. Kill sniffed the air. He smelled fire. There was a flame war going on somewhere. Probably Wolf on a rampage. Maybe Keres. he thought. He needed to find Riley, have some spam, and have some fun.

He frowned when he heard something. He pointed his pistol in that direction. "Who's there?" he yelled. He had planned on having some spam, but that would have to wait. He hoped it wasn't an admin or mod, they had thought he had left the city now. If it was a regular member, he could terminate them quite easily.

Keres chuckled quietly to herself, leaning against the alleyway's shadowed walls. The cigarette hanging from her lips twitched as she jerked the belt from her pants around her arm with one hand, just above the elbow, with a syringe in the other. Pausing to take a drag of thick smoke, Keres tapped the side of the syringe, squirting a little out of it to ensure no air was in the end and then slipped it into her Median Cephalic vein, savouring the sweet, metallic feel of the metal beneath her skin.

She shot the spam into her bloodstream, drawing a sharp intake of breath as she felt the drug hit her brain twenty three seconds later. And then she was high. Her vision blurred, and there was random music playing rounds in her head. Keres giggled, and then the giggle turned into a fit of laughter so uncontrollable she was left gasping for air. She started walking, tipsy and uncoordinated, down the alleyway.

She heard footsteps, and from the weight and sound definition, even in her intoxicated state, knew it was Nightkill. Keres started to run, giggling uncontrollably as she wobbled from side to side. Pretty soon, Kill was in her line of sight. She jumped a few feet away from him, aiming to tackle him, but ended up having perceived her trajectory wrong and falling short.

Keres stood up, still unsteady and laughing, "Niiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiightkiiiiiiiiill.."

Nightkill burst out laughing. When the City's very government relied on spam, you just had to laugh.

Kill frowned at Keres. "You know, when I was going to kill you, I had been hoping you'd not be high." he said. "Sure as hell would make the fight more satisfying." he said.

He sat down, and took pity on Keres. "Alright, Kere Bear." he said, using her real name. He expected her to get pissed because of this, because even a Keres on spam would get pissed at Nightkill using that name. "You want spam? Take some." he said, chucking it at her. "I'll blow you to Hell after you finish up that spam." he said, sitting down, and inhaling some of his.

Keres took a seat next to Nightkill, trying to contain her giggles. "Kill me? Aww, Nightkill, you wouldn't do that." Her smile vanished, and her brow furrowed. "I take that back; you would kill me, wouldn't you?" She puckered out her bottom lip, and made puppy-eyes at Kill, playing with the bottle of spam he'd thrown at her a moment ago.

Too lazy to open it, and giving the response he'd probably hoped for at him calling her by her real name, Keres hid her emotion and grabbed Nightkill's hand. "You know," She said, bringing his wrist up to her nose. Her words were slurring together and coming out with a slight lisp, almost like she'd had a few teeth knocked out."You smell like.. Spam."

Starting to laugh again, Keres held it in and smiled, not letting him see the prominent canine teeth dominating her mouth. She took another sniff before flashing forward, opening her mouth and trying to bite his arm.

Nightkill jumped back. "Oh, no." he laughed. "I am not going to be bitten by you again, and have to drink that disgusting unicorn pee." he said, making a face. "I know quite a bit of them are in the forest beyond the City, but god, that stuff tastes horrible." he said, shuddering. He had sampled quite a few things that could be used as drugs, and unicorn pee, despite the rumors, tasted far too bad for anything.

Nightkill considered killing Keres now. It would cause Cult to track him down and give him hell... but that admin was rarely on anymore. He made a snap decision, and fired an energy blast at Keres. The less mods and admins on his tail, the better.

Keres laughed again as Kill moved away, "Oh, no you don't." She giggled, smiling widely and manically as the blast he'd shot at her burned away on the invisible shield she'd created not a moment too soon. Keres took another step toward him, trying to distract him while she silently lifted a large rock from a nearby rubble pile behind him mentally, preparing to launch it toward the back of his head.

"You know...You just threw a three-hundred dollar bottle of spam at me, and I'm going to keeeep it." She stuck her tongue out of him, and then flicked her eyes to the left, which caused the hunk of concrete to sail toward his head. Her eyes then fixed on the puddles of water behind him.

If I could just get him to step in one...

Nightkill fell to the floor, causing the attack to miss. He fired off a few more blasts, which battered the shield. He was high on spam, so a few attacks missed. Unlike Keres, he didn't get an advantage from the spam. Instead, he got a disavantage.

He ran at her, much faster than she was. His shoes were wet, but not much. He charged up an energy blast in his hand, and was aiming for her stomach, ducking a bit so he wouldn't get bitten.

Keres yelped as the energy blast Nightkill aimed for her abdomen barely broke through her shield and singed her stomach through the black shirt she wore. "Y-you ruined my favourite shirt!" She started to go off on a rant, but then noticed his shoes were casting small droplets of water and smiled.

Feigning a lunge to bite him, Keres dropped off to one side and slid her hand along his shoe briefly, the other skimming a puddle he would inevitably land in. Well, on. The water on his shoes coated the bottom, and Keres turned it into a sheet of sheer ice along with the small collection beneath his feet in the hopes that he would slide and get hurt.

Just then Slamfist erupted from the ground below. His banhammer was in pristine condition from lack of actual use. "STOP FUCKING FIGHTING!" Slam looked at the two for a while noticing Keres was hopped up on spam. Considering Night was the leading dealer of spam Slam knew what had to be done. "Sorry Kere Bear but this needs to be done. You can come back when you're off this high." Slam lightly tapped Keres, giving her a 1 day ban. "And as for you Nightkill. You may be immune to the banishing powers of my hammer, but that doesn'tmean I can't kick your ass with it." Slam swung his hammer catching Nightkill in the ribs. "I think I know something that might work to deter you" As Slam spoke he began typing in mid-air. Nightkill couldn't see what was being typed, in fact only Slam could. "Hope you like your new name, ' Chicago Booty Juice'. I'll change it back when you clean up your act." Just as quickly as he appeared Slam was gone again logging out of the slums Nightkill had turned this place into

(Lol. But did you make an app?)

(No. Wasn't aware their were actual apps sorry.)

((if this is allowed, yay, if not, just discard it... XD))
Riley smiled to herself, watchin slam leave as she walked toward nightkill. Her new intention was to see what her bitch/master's (they take turns sometimes...) newest name was.

"Hey, babe." She said, placing a hand on his chest and draping her other arm around his waist. "Chicago booty juice... hmm..... A bit unoriginal, don't you think?" Her hand reached up and toyed with Nightkill's hair a little bit. "I would've thought waffle would have done something much more embarrassing..."

(I dunno if I should count Slam's post. Might as well)

Nightkill sighed. "It's pretty damn annoying though." CBJ said. He shook his head. "Doesn't matter, 'm still calling myself by my name." he said.

"Well, i hope so... I mean, other wise who would you be?" Riley laughed. "Anyway, you're much too stubborn to just let it fly... If i know you, you're scheeming up your revenge right now, as i speak."