Trivent Trifecta: Part Two Results!

 
Chelle: I was leaning both ways with your story, seeing as Etta could have very well been the character you created from the story. However, I am very pleased to see it was Fen that is the main character at play here. The idea of the empath having powers - and those powers correlating with the idea of being empathetic... a good character. Excellent use of elements, and I overall enjoy the final product. Good work, Toshi.

Vorik: I enjoyed reading this quite a bit and think you understood the theme of the contest better than everyone else who entered. I liked how you built up a background for the history of Eugenia while at the same time connecting it to modern day. However, this is the third time I’ve judged a contest for you where you submitted a character sheet that had the same idea of 2 characters linked in 1 character sheet. I can’t help but feel like you are using the same concept as a crutch. True, you manage to always make it fit and work with the theme of the contests but nonetheless I would like to see more creativity in your concepts going forward. Still, I do believe you did well in execution. Would have liked to have had a bit more of the interaction between them or more insight into how he came into contact with this god outside of him going into Eugenia to get his power changed only to get vaguely connected.  Overall, I enjoyed this but I do believe you need to go outside your comfort zone going forward in future contests. You’re a hell of a writer and I know you have lots of weird and interesting ideas.

Nate: As always, your work is always a delight to read! The first story you opened up on was incredible and gave me a clear idea of the character. This sorta leads into what held back some points on my end. When we got to Fen his story seemed less in depth? It felt more like a summary of things and didn't flow as well as the first one. The first story outshines it. That is not to say that it isn't good or I didn't enjoy it, I thoroughly did, but it still didn't carry the same weight as the first half. Even if that was the intention, that his story wasn't as legendary as Etta's, we still got a clearer idea of Etta over Fen. We could see through her actions what kind of person she was and with Fen it seemed more like we were being told the kind of person he is.


200 flat XP

Chelle: A great twist. I had only small assumptions that the siren would be the character created from your story. It is not every day that you even see a water creature based character, let alone someone with this much sass and gumption wrapped up in one. I quite like this character, and look forward to seeing you bring them more to life. This character definitely has more Eugenia elements to it than I had expected at the first thought of a siren-esque character. Great work, Vexxy.

Vorik: I like the idea you have here. Sirens are known in stories to have such wonderful songs that they entrance sailors into their deaths and seeing you turn that on its head with a Siren who openly despises any music besides their own is a nice twist. You did incorporate the character and Siren society as being from the waters of Boston and they live near magma fissures but I would have liked to see a bit more connecting them to Eugenia outside of sirens killing sailors. A bit more background into siren society and I feel like this would be a wonderful fit into Eugenia.

Nate: Man, boy oh boy, I absolutely love the fact that the whole motivation for your character is basically "Your music fucking sucks" (I know there is more depth to it ((ocean pun)), but still love it). I like the take on siren society and the Red Siren's history with it. Still felt like there was a bit missing from the story. We understand the motivations and what he'll do, but still felt like there could be a bit more with his take modern music and what the world is now, we just know that muscians occasionally pass over and they're shit at music. Overall, though, very cool. Also, as mod for the site who does character approval, all in all, there would need to be no changes to get this fella approved ability wise!


150 flat XP

 
Chelle: I was not expecting the female character in the story to be the character at the end. I was assuming it would have been the other male figure that seemed to be the lead of the narrative. I do like the concept behind of her, as well as her powers, but I feel as if she could fit in anywhere - not just specifically Eugenia. A good character overall, and definitely one of the occult, but not one that screams "Oh, this is a citizen of Eugenia." Overall, good application, J.

Vorik: This one just didn't work for me. You had a clear idea of what you wanted and I understood what you were going for but I judge mainly on how the entry works with the theme of the contest. Your backstory is extremely brief and mentions almost nothing about Boston/Eugenia outside of her moving there. You did write a bit more about how she didn't change when Bostoned transformed but overall it comes off more as you making a wicca goth chick and just shoved her into Eugenia because thats where the contest is. This really could have been a lot better if you made the backstory longer than 7 sentences and spent more time fleshing out and connecting her to Eugenia proper.

Nate: What a unique lady ya got! I love her so much! A macarbe furniture saleswoman who gains magic powers and uses them for the community? Fuck yeah! I love it. That's so cool and just different. Honestly the main thing that was holding back points of this were some details. Like how she gained her magic ability. Reading it just seemed like "Boom. Magic." but even that wasn't really gone into and I just wanted a bit more about the origin of the powers. Love the magic system you wrote up for her/how the abilities were handled.  Also  love the modern setting for your character, appreciated that! As a mod, would approve character sheet with approval of another mod!


100 flat XP

 


 
Chelle: I am glad I was correct in assuming that your flame hero was the main character. As it stands, this is an excellent fit for Eugenia, and Yorin will be a great hero upon the board, once fully reviewed. I quite like how much information you gave us about the Pyrecoats. The story you had for us could have easily been twisted and you could have given us that frog wizard as the main character at play here. Too bad. Great work, Sage.

Vorik: Don't be discouraged by the lower scores, I still believe you did a great job with the goal you had in mind. However, I didn’t feel like this is very fitting for Eugenia in mind. You went at length talking about how reality and existence began and cosmic powers like Chaos. This felt more like a cosmic-themed character than a character for a fantasy setting like DnD or Pathfinder. You even mentioned in your entry how the character’s power is cosmic and can reach temperatures similar to stars. It didn’t really feel like Eugenia was a big part of this character and more of just “that's where this is”. One final thing I want to mention is that I would count your cape listed in Items as power since it gives Yorin flight. You would need another weakness since you have 3 powers imo. Again, I think this is a good foundation for a character but it just didn’t hit the mark for me for the theme of this contest.

Nate: A cool character by all means! You've put a lot of effort into a realy interesting backstory and into a creation myth. Old orders of knights are always fun and interesting to explore and overall this was an enjoyable read! I held back some points because while it is all very cool, it lacks that twist that sets it apart from other stories of old orders of knights standing against a great evil! The use of fire and the creation myth were good, but those were more so flavor rather than different. As a side note as a mod, for approval I would probably ask for more of a weakness for the intense temperature he can produce and perhaps something a bit more about the armor and what it offers in terms of defense, if anything!


100 flat XP