Beverly Hills Cowboys

It was the pre-dawn hours, and Diana woke extra early to wait on the edge of the roof overlooking an alley.

A white van apparently owned by a local plumbing company drove into the alley, followed a minute later from the other side by a black pick up. She sees the white van open and the "plumbers" bring out wooden crates, while the occupants of the black van emerge one by one. These folks were the rare costumed group of villains, probably new, since they were purchasing... cowboy era weaponry, from the looks of the insides of the crates. A villainous group of cowboys, with a Native Indian among their membership. She couldn't help but wonder if they were just costumes, but when one of the cowboys use the gun to shoot a laser beam at a dumpster... Well... this was enough for Diana to break it up.

Diana puts on her hood and mask, which makes the scenario a street ninja fighting plumbers, cowboys and one Native American. She goes over the roof edge, slides down the wall a bit with a grappling claw then  smashes down on the box of cowboy weapons, while still being carried by plumbers. "NINJA GOOMBA STOMP!" She shouted, but the noise of the crashing crate followed by cussing and weapons being drawn overpowered her voice. Diana begins a street brawl, jumping into a split kick, knocking one Plumber into the hood of the pickup and another into the plumber's van.

"HOLY SHIT TAKE HER OUT!" These cowboys were bad, they didn't even do the cowboy speak and were using american and german semi-automatic weapons. Weapons which were knocked out of their hands with Diana's sheathed sword, a sheathed sword which also smashed heads along with fast fists and feet of fury. She bobs, weaves, spins and pirouettes her boots into faces. This was Diana in her element- a hand-to-hand struggle. With their allies on either side, gunfire was scarce, and it descended into a melee. The Native American joined the fight but this whirlwind ball of ass kicking was laying them out, battering and bruising with extreme prejudice.

Elaine was a little drunk.

A little drunk enough to kick your ass.

After two shots of cinnamon whiskey, Elaine was at her wits ends with all of these cowboys not making their accents match the region they came from. "Hey!" A dumpers smoldered as a laser cut a hole threw it. "That weapon is not time specific. Are you a poor costumed menace, or are you from the future. Either way, I think your morals are too far progressive to be good for America and will need to resort to- Hey are you kidnapping that multi-ethnic, possibly Indian looking girl? That's not cool, and I'm going to beat you to a pulp the way a cowgirl would."

"That girl's name is Danny." The little spirit of a corgi only know as Spirit Corgi appeared to Elaine. "She's more useful than you, but she gets captured more than you. She escapes more than Bliss though."

"Do you have these analytics somewhere?" Six bullets slid into the barrel of her pistol.

"I can make you a spreadsheet if you want."

"I don't want it. I need it." The safety came off, and Elaine went off. She needed that spreadsheet, but more importantly, she needed to shoot these cowboys, in a non-lethal way of course. Fuck those pretension things that mix up death with cutting edge. No, Elaine would save Denny or Donny or whatever that Indian's name was by doing it without killing anyone, just imparting heavy amounts of damage through punches, kicks, and destruction of property.

Elaine would quick fire two rounds to disarm two of the cowboys while closing the distance on another. A flip around his neck would put her in a perfect position to knock him out while also allowing her to fire a round at another cowboy's boot. Making him stop to avoid the round, while Elaine dropped both boots into his chest.

After burying her sword's hilt into a plumber's lower jaw, sending the man gurgling and clutching his throat and onto the alley. Diana noticed the number of participants in the dance was steadily going down, prompting a cowboy to pick up a laser shooter and aim for a cowgirl.

Cowgirl? "heads down, cowgirl!" Diana shouted a warning, though strangely followed it up with crushing the man's thumb, causing him to cry out in pain but still pull the trigger, possibly taking Elaine's hat instead of the back of her head. Diana demonstrates further on how a hardwood sheath and bones didn't mix, sweeping him off her feet then ramming it down to take rib.

"GAAAHH! MY HAND! MY RIB!" The cowboy clutches both rib and thumb, out of the fight. A vast majority of the participants were down for the count thanks to Elaine's shooting and Diana's sharing of her sheathed sword technique, hitting people in places where a solid piece of wood should never touch.

"Screw this, I'm not paid enough." A cowboy with a moustache who was reluctant to join the fight from the beginning, grabs a box of goods and takes their truck to flee the scene. Diana noticed and wanted to pursue... when a mighty, determined man shouted "JAWS OF THE WOLF" and a second later Diana finds a translucent spirit wolf biting down on her ankle and sending her to the ground disagreeing.

The Native American's eyes were glowing bluish-white with energy now. He also had a bunch of animal tattoos on his ripped shirtless body, the wolf tattoo glowing. "Foolish girl. You picked wrong fight." he demonstrates his considerably diverse skill by drawing a steel tomahawk and sending it towards Elaine, ax-head first towards her gun.

Diana clutched her ankle. She was not expecting a magical Native American. She quickly hobbles over to reach for her sword which had fallen under a dumpster.

"I think the color on our text is slightly off. We usually aren't this close in color scheme." Elaine rested within a few moments of rescuing the multi-ethnic, possibly Indian girl, but instead reflected on life.

"Your text is lighter. It was supposed to be a shade darker, but it's been a while since an adventure the reality of this world probably forgot. Hey, you could have saved that multi-ethnic possibly Indian girl!"

Elaine dug grabbed a tomahawk out of the air as it spun close to her head. "Too late to live in the past. Time to deal with this guy." With tomahawk in hand, Elaine ran to try and take down the native warrior with a wrapping of her legs around his neck and a twist of her knees to lock into place. "Why are you attacking this place and these people." After a few second without an answer, Elaine would strike him in the head with the blunt part of the tomahawk. "Who's that girl you kidnapped and why does your boss want a multi ethnic, possibly Indian girl?" Another strike awaited silence. "Who is that other girl fighting and why does she look familiar? Did she once abduct me and take me to the lair of a fox demon?"

Diana feels around the ground under the dumpster, ignoring the sticky dumpster juice that had collected underneath. She would see to the stores nearby practice garbage segregation and proper disposal from now on. Meanwhile, her leg had stopped its bleeding.

"kkk..." Was his answer to the first question, as he flailed around with a cowgirl's legs around his head. " kkkkkk...." He retorted to the second, trying to slam her bodily into a brick wall. Or a plumber's van. Or some crates filled with straw and laser revolvers. "Kkkkkk..." Having a girl's legs around one's head was nice, but not this way. His head bled profusely, seeing as the blunt part of the tomahawk was mode of heavy iron.

"spirit... of... porcupine..." he manages to mutter before he passes out, and his face and body were covered in very painful quills which made a headlock a one way ticket to ventilating one's pants. and legs.

Diana finally gets a hold of the handle and pulls herself up, and sees that this superpowered native american wasn't going to respond to nonlethal force. She sees she'd pulled the broken sword out of its sheathe... and terrible memories caused her to stand still there, amongst beaten plumbers and cowboys, ruminating in the midst of a fight. No.. she ... should try something else... but the cowgirl was in trouble... and this wasn't Elaine's fight.

Kicking aside a desperate cowboy's attempt to reach for a gun, Diana would race to help, hamstringing the native american with her remaining 8 inches of sword, cutting him behind the knee, causing him to fall to one leg from the vicious attack. "AAAAH!" Determined to demonstrate his unbending willpower, he draws a jawbone axe and fights Diana and Elaine, handicap and all.

Elaine beats the native warrior. She could beat the guy in her sleep to be honest, but with a handicap, sleeping would make it easier because Elaine channels demons and hobgoblins in her sleep. Awake, she just puts rampaging warriors down with a swift kick and a long lasting dip into unconsciousness. "That was easy, but who was the multi ethnic, possibly Indian girl who they grabbed and ran away with?"

"I told you already."

"I wanna hear it from someone more credible and existent in this dimension." Elaine put her hands on her hips as she returned her pistols to their holsters. Saving the day took energy from her, but it always felt good in the end. "Do you have any idea why cowboys are trying to attack people? Or what the spirit of the Porcupine is?"

"You need to save the multi- wait, I know her name. You need to save Danny." The little dog would take a seat while Elaine would continue on.

"Those guys kidnapped someone named Danny and we need to get her-"

"Kidnapped is too definitive of a time period. It may or may not have happened yet."

"You said if I stopped that guy, it would have saved Danny."

"Yeah, from kidnapping her in the near future when she was walking home from a pep rally."

"That was very misleading information-"

"That you didn't listen to, so shut the fuck up and go-"

"No, you shut the fuck up!"

"Excuse me, shut the fuck up!"

"There's something in my ear. I think it's you. Shutting the fuck up."Elaine turned back to Diana. "Spirit animals. Ya know? So, what's our next step to make sure people are not currently or in the future kidnapped?"

Danny walked home alone from the pep rally. Her gym bag held her workout clothes as well as her school uniform. Her hair was tied back with a ribbon matching the schools colors matching her cheerleading outfit. A text message from Bellona actually gave her some support. All in all, today was on the up and up.

"Nice to see you're still nuts Cowgirl.... Uh... I don't know about any kidnapping. I just broke up a deal. For exercise." Diana never did get her name.

The sound of sirens and police cars arriving necessitated a hasty exit, the only one available being an alley door. Diana brings Elaine along, and enter through the door into an empty Chinese Kitchen. Chinese because of the frozen dumplings thawing on the table. It was barely 6 am.

The owner meanwhile, was bringing a tray of eggs out of storage. The sight of a street ninja in sweat pants and a cowgirl causes the owner to grab the nearest hanging cleavers. The balding Chinese man seemed determined to defend his Kitchen from intruders, and has done it before.

"Who are you? I think you have the wrong place. This is a Chinese restaurant, not a western style grill house! And close the door!" He showed he had kung fu.

The sight of the man caused Diana to remove her mask, causing the man to put his cleavers down. "Uncle Jason?" Diana was beginning to think her relocation to California wasn't just a coincidence.

"Diana? Dear girl, where have you been? I haven't heard from your family since Jacob died. Are you some kind of... criminal?"

"No... no! I'm... i'm a superhero. I'm The Swordsman, this is my sidekick, Cowgirl." Diana finally said it. It was a weak excuse but it was better than 'former mercenary'. "Oh. Uh... I wanted to surprise you, but not this way. Actually we were wondering if you were open yet... We'd like some morning grub. Isn't that right, uh... Cowgirl?" Diana nudged Elaine and hoped she was coherent enough to cooperate. If they were lucky they'd have dimsum for breakfast and not police station coffee.

"Go get seated. I'll talk to the police." He gestured for them to head inside. The restaurant area was straight ahead, while the antique shop and house were upstairs.

While Diana's uncle was handling the police questioning the alley-side establishments, the street ninja stashed her hood and jacket into her backpack and grabbed a thermos of hot water, pouring herself and Elaine some and mixing tea with it.

"So... I just want to be clear... who's getting kidnapped and why should we care?"

Elaine walked into the Chinese restaurant. As an Asian cowgirl who's exact origins laid somewhere between Korean and Malaysian, or possibly Vietnamese, definitely not Indian, Mongolian would be cool, not generic enough to be Chinese, and not enough weeboos slept with a body pillow of her enough to be Japanese- was I halfway through an independent clause in that last sentence? Who knows. Elaine did not like the trappings around her. "I want a taco and a hamburger." Elaine grabbed a menu and pushed into the chest of Jason. "Thank you Uncle Jason."

Elaine sat down in a booth and sat down across the table from Diana. "Do the little dog told me we needed to keep this multi ethnic- possibly Indian girl named Danny from getting kidnapped. Or she had been kidnapped. Or she was going ot be kidnapped. I don't know, dogs don't have a great sense of time. They think seven years is good enough for one of their years and don't have great balance in cars."

"Let's see how great your balance is if you aren't sitting in a seat!"

"So, we need to either rescue, prevent or possibly kidnap to prevent her from being kidnapped. Either works for me. I'm pretty badass and can handle all those cowboys."

In the process of not being kidnapped, but possibly in the process of being kidnapped, Danny walked by Jason's Chinese restaurant. Music filled her ears as a pair of earbuds invaded her ear drums. Poor kids and their lack of peripherals.

"Okay. I guess I could try to warn Danny."

It was millenial courtesy to text first before calling. Slide, unlock, messages."At Jason's Chow and Pao now. Crazy Cowgirl says you're getting kidnapped. Are you okay now?" Diana refused to use any horrible texting short hand.

Jason brings the duo something to eat. Diana's uncle provides Elaine some tasty rice rolls and a baked pork bun, analogous to a taco and a burger, but Chinese and tastier. "Now, tell me again... why did you become a superhero here?" He asked, pouring the ladies some tea. Diana goes into some exposition to her uncle. Slightly edited of course, leaving out alot of important and grisly details.


Meanwhile, a limousine slowly drives down the road, until it spots Danny. A window rolls down and a puff of vanilla flavored smoke escapes the interior, to reveal a made up lady in a white suit lounging on the leather seats. Vaping. She also looked pretty rich.

"Excuse me young lady. But do you attend Our Lady of Too Many Sorrows? I'm looking for a student. Dayanara Tamamoa." She asked.

"Become a superhero? Superheroes became me bitch." Elaine looked at the food placed in front of her. "These look different." She poked the riceroll with a chop stick. "My fork looks weird too. must be the place." One shop stick slid between her thumb and lower wrist while her upper had took the other stick. "This is good. So you sent her a text? Good. Now nothing bad will happen to her."

On the other side of the alleyway. "Someone will try to kidnap me? No one tries to kidnap me. It's usually just that I get in the way or try to save someone, but no one goes out of their way to kidnap, Danny-" Dayanara Tamamoa. "Oh crap. That's my name." Hearing her name was rare. No one other than her parents, and her parents never spoke to her to her, ever called her Dayanra. "Um, yes? I'm Daya- I'm Danny." Standing in her cheerleading skirt and weater with a long sleeved shirt made it obvious to see what school she went to. "You looke familar."

"Danny?... Danny, Dah'ling!" The lady emerges from her limo, and the driver stops abruptly here in a no parking zone.

"I'm sorry but the last time I saw you, you were still in your cradle. I'm Dinah White. Dinah Tamamoa-White. I was your father's sister, and ooooh look at you now, so beautiful and a cheerleader. How simply grand!" She takes out her phone and shows an old scanned photo of her relation with Danny's father. Complete with child photos. And now Danny was being selfied with this upper class Atlanta accent lady.

"Please tell me, how are you? Really dear, you look so thin. Don't tell me you're starving yourself to attract boys. Ugh, don't mind them. A real woman should have curves." Dinah begins looking over Danny's physical features, then her own appearance.

Diana and her uncle were still busy talking. She looks at Cowgirl to assure her of ... something... but she couldn't escape her relative quite yet.

"Um?" Danny did not know about her aunt, but honestly, she barely knew about anyone in her family. "I'm not starving myself. I weight 127 pounds. I'm actually 1 pound more than I need to weight for my position, but I'm in basketball weight right now." A few men came behind Danny and helped her into the limo. "Oh, so you're aunt Dinah. I've never heard of you."

The limo felt nice, but given Danny's lifestyle, luxury did not feel foreign to Danny. "You missed the turn to take me home. Where are we going?"

Diana descended from the upstairs of the Chinese store with a Chinese broadsword in hand.

"I'll see if other antique dealers will see your blade. Until then, this should prove adequate for your title." Jason said, holding her broken sword.

"Thanks for understanding uncle." Diana returned, getting a feel for this new weapon.

"But... Remember Diana. Those who live by the sword die by the sword. I hope some day you will a better way, believe justice will come to those responsible Revenge... is a terrible pursuit." The older man gave his sagely advice to his niece, hoping she would leave behind this violent lifestyle that would lead only to misery.

"And you Cowgirl. I hope the people who killed your dog get what they deserve." He said to Elaine, based on whatever Diana told him upstairs, offscreen.

Diana looked at her phone. A certain amount of time had already passed that she wondered if Danny got the message. She dials Danny's number to check, waiting for her to pick up. She sipped some more tea to wash down the fried sticky buns she had for breakfast.

Meanwhile...

"Such a pity if that's the case! I only heard of you recently, with all you children's social media presence. I was wondering if you knew the wherabouts of your father? We were collaborate on a project, but it never bore fruit... Tell me dear, do you have the Tamomoa spirit?"

Dinah assured Danny after they missed their turn, instead heading towards Dinah's rented out manor in the neighborhood. The grounds were filled with rugged vehicles and crates. Several rough looking mercenaries were testing out the armor and armaments. "After I tell you something, dear. Frankly, we need your help. I came to this town because I followed a lead... something your parents and myself had been working to obtain. A map to a lost city. The map was stolen by Nazis and given to one of their descendants who live in this area. That man was Heinrich Klein, and we tracked his resting place to here. Will you help us?" Dinah asked hoping Danny would understand the importance of this.

In all honesty, Danny could not even figure out if this woman looked like her dad. A few years went by in between the last time Danny saw him in person and his last major discovery took place almost a full year ago, so she could not even see a recent picture of him or her mother. "Well, that sounds about right. Maybe." Before Prodigy, Danny's Instagram account stayed anonymous to the world except for a few hundred friends, now her updated profile drew close to a million followers wanting to stay up with what villains Danny took down recently. Of course, the downside came from the fact her 'nemesis' Ellen recently posted a picture of her tied up in a closet a few weeks ago to her rival Instagram accounts. However, only a few hundred people follow Ellen, so she can eat shit and die. "Tamamoa spirit? I am a Tamamoa and I have way too many spirits."

Her aunt explained a few things to her. Some of it sounded shady, talks of stolen maps, lost cities, and finally the resting place of a Nazi within the city. If his resting place laid within the city, it sounded like someone needed her to go tomb raiding. "Do you want me to break in somewhere? That sounds shady and where are we?" This place looked like somewhere Danny broke in to a few times to stop evil things from happening. Now her aunt just kind of dropped her off and asked her to do something illegal for her. "You know what Aunt Dinah, I think I might need to pass on this one, but maybe I'll see you at Thanksgiving."

A vibration rang through Danny's bag. She pulled out the phone while trying to monitor her aunt's demeanor. "Hey Diana, can you make it quick?"

"Pfff, swords. You see this is why I use guns. Guns don't kill people; bad people with guns kill people, and the only thing that stops a bad person with a gun is a good person with a gun." Elaine finished whatever riceroll she did not order, but still received and stood up. "Yeah, those guys who killed my dogs suck."

"You fed me chocolate!"

"You got better." Elaine poured some honey into her tea.

"I did no such thing!"

"Well, you shouldn't have eaten my cat." A few packets of sugar followed the honey.

"I did not eat your cat. Your parents took it to the vet, and you assumed it was dead because you are a sociopath."

The spoon barely moved with Elaine trying to stir the substance. "Eh whatever, hey, what are we doing again?"

"Just a minute. I need to check if we need to head to school or someplace else. Say, I never asked you your name before. What is it?" Diana asked Elaine while she waited for Danny to pick up.

Once she did, DIana quickly went into a worried-for-a-friend tone. "Danny! I'm with this crazy cowgirl who says you're going to be kidnapped today. Are you alright? Where are you right now? Also, do you want anything from Jason's Chow and Pao? turns out a relative owns it, you should try it. I could get a discount on takeout."

Meanwhile...

Aunt Dinah allowed Danny to answer the phone call. She showed little disappointment at Danny's refusal. As a relative she was proud of her being smart. As a minion of a greater power, she was sorely unhappy. Still she tries her luck one more time, wanting to give Danny a chance.

"Well, we wouldn't really be doing anything really criminal, dah'ling. I mean, it's with a former Nazi in hiding... they probably stole it from someone, some poor Jewish scholar. Then killed him. and his family. That's right, we should do it for the Jews. Such nice people." She said, really trying to get the point across.