Gun for hire

by **Jack Maroon** July 4th 2013, 10:01 am

The WWW, the world-wide web. It has become the cornerstone of the 21st century, having brought forth a revolution in communications, and the way people view the world. It is the cornerstone of the contemporary Zeitgeist, perhaps even moreso than the incredible influx of metahumans and supernatural creatures at the start of the century. Unlike these colorful characters, the internet has long been taken for granted, even though its role in the daily lives of men both normal and 'meta' has become indispensable.

There's something to be found for everyone; training programs for specific sub-categories of metahumans, to maximize their abilities, guides on how to hold back your monstrous strength, how to fit in with regular society, how to cope with meta-human related stress and mental disorders, etc.
And then there's the Underweb. Darknet, deep web, invisible web; the content that cannot be accessed by regular means. It has long existed, to facilitate the needs of the seedy underbelly of society. Hard drugs, child porn, and assassins for hire. And now even this dark side of the web has accomodated to the metahuman phenomenon. Metahuman assassins and mercenaries. Those who chose to utilize their gifts in less socially acceptable ways, and chose also to remain freelancers, unlike the many who flock to established groups of mercs, hitmen and organizations striving for world dominance.

Among the many pages of superhuman soldiers for hire, there was one recent entry that stood out. It was a simple message, pasted on a web-page with a lay-out that was about as flashy as a wall painted gray, and written with the eloquence of a high-school drop-out stoned out of his mind. It read as follows:

Metahuman assassin slash mercenary for hire.

So here's the deal. You need someone (or 'something'; I don't discriminate, ya dig? Robots are game too, no worries Wink

)taken down, I'm your man. No questions asked. I really don't care what your beef is, so long as your request meets my conditions. Which I am about to put forth. Yes.

Numero uno: I only take jobs that deal with metahumans, or otherwise superpowered individuals slash creatures. Need some goody-two-shoes superhero whacked? No problemo.
Genetic experiment escaped from your diabolic evil lab in which said genetic experiment was manufactured? Done and done.
Rival supervillain trying to gobble up your territory? I'mma slap the shit out of him. It's all cool.
But do NOT. I repeat, do NOT, come to me with your boring shit. Not interested in putting down your wifey, unless she puts up a damn good fight. Also, not fighting your personal war. I'm not your lackey, I'm the hired help, I'm 'outsourcing'.

Numero dos: Despite this here dark web being all private-like, I require you set up a meeting with me before I make my final decision. That don't work for ya, find someone else. You'll just not find anyone better. See how I don't care about marketing? Yup, I'm that good. #swag #hashtags

Numero tres: If your request is actually a set-up, intended to kill/capture me? Please continue. I usually don't bother with people below my level, but I make exceptions for the likes of you. #graveyardstuffers #youaresodead #feelinluckypunk?

My fees are negotiable, but on average I'd say I ask about 30k per hit. 25k paid upon completion, and 5k up front to cover my expenses. Yup, that cheap.

So give me a call, use the public PGP key to encode your message, and I'll get to ya before you can say Hippopottomus. Hiphoppapatomus? Fuck. You get the point.

Cheerios.

-Jacob Carmine

OOC: Consider this the set-up for a recruitment thread, where one such as you can purchase the services of the one and only Jacob Carmine *cough*JackMaroon*cough*. I'm gonna sound like a bad guy here (which I really totally am), but this isn't a on first serve basis. I'll pick whoever seems most fun to rp with, and which makes most sense in the scenario. If no one even responds, I will call a wambulance and cry myself to sleep tonight, because I am a huge manfisted hambaby McDiaperpants. Word to yo momma.