Lesson #1 Detail

I am going to give you two examples to posts given by a fake rper. You decide which one is better.

"Ember walked out of the bar."

And example #2

"Ember, slightly tipsy, accidentally walked into the door of the bar. "My bad" He yelled behind him as he limped out onto the street that he has always known."

Which one is better? Right, the second one. Why? DETAIL! It makes it so much easier not only to understand your post, but also to reply to it. If you do a simple one liner, then not only are you cheating yourself of the glorious joy that is RPing, you are also denying that privilege to others who may want to join that topic.

If you are starving for Ideas, don't be afraid to ask someone to look at your post. A fresh set of eyes helps everything. Also, always ask questions. "What did it feel like?" "Why was that there?" "Where was he coming from?" "Who is that guy?" "How did this happen". Also, Surroundings are big. WE all know that you are in the room, but what is in the room with you? Is the room tiled? Floored? Does it even have a ceiling? You would be surprised how much this boosts both the length of your posts, but also the quality of them.

For your first assignment, elaborate on this statement. I will then rate you, and hand out constructive criticism.

Your statement is:
"The man, ate a taco."
And.....GO!

The man stood on the side of a New York street on a cracked grayish side walk a finger had written big bubba was here a group of pigeons were pecking the ground a few feet away,The man was a buisness man from Phoenix and had just arrived and spotted the taco stand.The man held a black jack taco to his lips taking a bite of the crunchy goodness lettuce fell out of the back and sighed in satisfaction of the amazing flavor.*MM now that is a taco*.He said before picking up a napkin wiping away the mild sauce he had added.

Eduard had been looking for a place to eat for a few minutes now. Pain's marijuanna was top-notch but it always gave Ed the worst case of the munchies. Finally Ed had found a taco vendor, he didn't care if the cart looked shady, Ed was unbearably hungry and needed to eat. He handed the vendor a hundred dollar bill and reached into the nearest warming tay, picking up several tacos. He bit into the first taco, nacho cheese spilling out, covering the corners of his mouth in hot orange goo. A swig of vodka washed it down before the large Australian took another big bite. Within the third bite the taco had vanished into the Aussie's gullet, prompting him to start on another.

((I don't care if it sounds weird that he has a bottle of vodka. Anyone that knows Ed, knows he has vodka with him at almost all times.))

Wolf, I know that this isn't the lesson, but PUNCTUATION IS KEY! If you are unsure whether or not the punctuation is correct, then open up word and send it through. Other than that, pretty good. Don't just lay it all out in sections, mold it together. Instead of listing first his surroundings, then where he is from, then a whole bunch of other details, mold them together. "The man from phoenix looked at the gray sidewalk while moving his head slowly up toward the taco stand."

Slam, Where did he get the taco? Why was he at the Taco stand? No offense, but it wouldn't heart to use more...educated words. Instead of 'The large Australian took another large bite' What about 'The large Australian took a second gigantic bite' You may feel silly when you write it, but trust me, it helps.

NO. He take large bites, because he's a large Australian.

lol

(( just trying my hand ))

David sighed in the mid morning air, his lungs were elated at the smell of the city, diesel smoke, cheap, greasy food, and of course, something he didn't recognize at all, David was walking down the side of a dirty street lined with stores and restaurants on either side, the state of the neighborhood was evident by the graffiti scrawled on almost every surface, and cracks in anything from the sidewalks, streets, and shop windows

David frequented a local Mexican restaurant called "La Fiesta's" it was a friendly place with a nice atmosphere and hot food, one of his favorite kinds, he trudged down the street, hands in his pockets, he had on a pair of loose fitting blue jeans and a green tank top, which showed off his musculature, his keys jingled mildly in his pocket

David arrived at his destination, the great Latino cuisine awaited him, though you couldn't tell by the look of the ramshackle building, he walked in and was immediately hit with a new motley of scents, mostly bean and beef related

He sat down at his usual table and drummed steadily on the marble top until a waiter came to serve him, he already knew what he wanted "Hola David" the tan waiter said with his thick Hispanic accent, saying his name as "Daveed", He smiled "Hey Julio, I just can't quit you guys" they both laughed at this comment "regular please" he said, Julio jotted this down and then took off to the kitchen

David waited hungrily for a while before his food came out, Julio laid a plate on the table and briskly walked away, on it lay a taco, nice and golden shell, fresh green lettuce, diced tomatoes, shredded monterrey jack and cheddar cheese, delicious guacamole, tantalizing sour cream, mouthwatering shredded beef and of course, amazingly tasty salsa

David picked it up and bit into it hungrily, the salsa juice dribbled down his chin in tiny rivulets, the flavors burst into being in his mouth, flicking his tongue with their delights, David enjoyed his taco slowly, dismayed a bit when he finished, finding only a few crumbs left on his plate, he threw his money on the table and walked out, waving goodbye to the staff "ill be back tomorrow" he smiled

(( i space it out, but i don't use punctuation, like at all, so don't say anything, i know, i don't care ))

I like that Inferoo made like a page about eating tacos, to be honest I didn't even read it all it was so long.

I just wanted to make sure everyone knows, the long posts don't just stay here, don't make your posts extra long to impress admins then go out and continue to post one liners, this is for your improvement and I hope to see it do so. Good luck to all those enrolled.

Inferoo357 wrote: ...juice dribbled down his chin in tiny rivulets, the flavors burst into being in his mouth, flicking his tongue with their delights, David enjoyed his

..........Wait, this thread is about TACOS?! Are you sure? Lol, jk. I'd post here too, but I'm not in a taco mood. Once I feel like eating a nice juicy p... erm... TACO, I'll be back. I promise 8)

LOL

LOL, I admit I went a little overboard, and yes, I do sometimes post one liners, though when my imagination is lacking I do TRY to post a little something of substance instead of just making a post saying "ok" and most of my posts are quite lengthy, Ive been known for lengthy posts, in fact, most complaints I get when RPing with someone is the length of my post, Pain's complained several times about me posting so much and giving him too much to read lol

Kalos walked into el burrito and ordered his usual, the flaming Green Card Taco,It was packed with jalepenos and cheese then drenced in a special sauce. When it arrived you could tell it was one spicy bastard.Kalos reached towards the taco and lifted it towards his mouth, the spicyness was felt from even before it entered his watering mouth. Then it hit him like a bitch on her time of the month, the spices and peppers scorched his taste buds like the flames of hell them self.

I don't want to clutter up the topic and that but...What IS a Taco. I know I sound really english when I say this but the only taco I have seen is a cartoon thing on Simpsons...What are taco's?

A crispy outer shell with meat and vegetables inside.

Lol thank you ^^